What to wear is one of the first things to get right when you pay your respects at a Vietnamese funeral. Your clothes show respect for the person who has died and for the bereaved family, and they are also taken as a sign of your character and of how well you understand etiquette. So how should you dress? Below, Flosa sets out how to choose suitable clothes for a funeral in Vietnam.
Why does it matter what you wear to a funeral?
Nobody has laid down a rule about what must be worn when visiting a family that has just lost someone. Even so, clothing is something you should not treat lightly, for several reasons:
- Suitable, sober clothes show your respect and reverence for the person who has just died and for their family.
- Dressing this way is regarded as part of traditional culture, in Vietnam in particular and in East Asia in general.
- Dressing for the occasion is also a courtesy to everyone else who is present, so that they are not distracted or upset.
- Appropriate clothing is seen as a way of respecting the family’s beliefs and religious rites.
How to choose suitable clothes for a funeral
In East Asian thinking, clothing has long been one of the things by which a person’s character is judged, above all at occasions that call for solemnity and care. Choosing clothes that suit the time, the event and the circumstances matters a great deal. You would not go to a wedding in crumpled pyjamas, or to the beach in a formal suit. A funeral is no different: clothes in loud colours or busy patterns are out of place. So what should you wear?
What women should wear
For women, the usual advice is:
- Choose dark tones; white or black is best. Avoid heavily patterned clothes and very bright colours.
- Wear modest clothes that do not show much skin. Long sleeves and long trousers, or a dress or skirt that falls below the knee, in a classic cut. The simpler the better.
- Choose comfortable shoes such as ballet flats, sandals or trainers, and avoid high heels where you can.
- Wear no make-up, or only a little. Avoid striking lipstick colours such as red or orange, and keep jewellery to a minimum.
Suitable funeral clothing for women
What men should wear
For men, the usual advice is:
- Choose a dark top without fussy or aggressive prints, and wear long trousers.
- Favour smart clothes: a shirt, tailored trousers and proper shoes. Avoid short-sleeved T-shirts, shorts and flip-flops.
Suitable funeral clothing for men
Common questions about funeral dress in Vietnam
How many times do you bow at a funeral?
Bowing (vái lạy) is another important ritual to know about before you attend a funeral.
- At a Buddhist funeral, it is customary to kneel and bow almost to the ground: four bows for someone who has already been buried. If the body is still present, even though it has been placed in the coffin, two bows are enough.
- If the family is Catholic, it is enough to light incense and bow three times from the waist. There is no need to kneel.
See also: How many times to bow at a Vietnamese funeral, how to do it and what it means
Can you wear white to a funeral?
Yes. White is a suitable colour for a funeral, particularly in northern Vietnam. It conveys solemnity and purity, and it is the traditional colour of mourning in Vietnamese culture. Choose a plain white top, though, without bright patterns, and avoid see-through fabrics and very fashionable cuts.
Why is white worn at funerals?
Because white is the traditional colour of mourning in Vietnam, standing for bereavement, parting and purity. In many regions, the north especially, relatives and visitors often wear white or a white mourning band as a way of showing grief and respect for the person who has died.
Which colours should you avoid?
Avoid bright colours and anything that symbolises joy, in particular:
Red, yellow, orange and pink, which are associated with cheerfulness and festivals
Metallic, silvery or very sparkly fabrics
Clothes with large pictures, bold lettering or eye-catching patterns
The colours to favour are black, white, grey, brown or a muted navy.
Which colours should you wear?
Choose dark or neutral clothing:
Black, white, grey, charcoal or navy
Clothes that are plain, smart and not revealing
If you wear a skirt or dress, choose one that falls below the knee and has no high slit
Can you wear jeans to a funeral?
It is not encouraged. Jeans, especially ripped, skinny or light-coloured ones, tend to look fashionable and casual, which does not suit the solemn mood of a funeral. If you have nothing else, choose plain black jeans in a simple cut and balance them with a white or black shirt.
Funeral dress in northern Vietnam: white and black are the two most common colours
A few other things to keep in mind
Besides clothing, there are a few more points worth knowing, so that you do not find yourself in an awkward position.
Follow the wishes of the deceased or the family
- Those attending should respect the wishes of the person who has died, where these are known or have been announced. If the deceased asked that no condolence money (phúng điếu, the envelope of cash that visitors customarily give the family) be accepted, or that all of it be donated to charity, both the guests and the family are expected to follow that wish. It is a way of respecting the deceased and the family.
- Declining condolence money is gradually becoming more common among middle-class and wealthier families, and in some cases follows from religious belief. The spiritual explanation given is that the family wants the person to depart in peace, owing no material debt to this world. In that case you can bring a basket of fruit instead, or send a condolence wreath bearing the words Thành kính phân ưu (“With deepest sympathy”) to show your sincerity.
Order: funeral and sympathy flowers
Do not laugh, joke or talk loudly
A funeral marks a great sorrow and loss for the family of the deceased, so laughing, joking and talking loudly are things to avoid. Speak softly, and do not make noise that, in the traditional view, could disturb the soul of the person who has died. Keeping quiet is also regarded as plain good manners and consideration.
Silence your phone
It is not compulsory, but during the ceremony you should put your phone on silent so as not to disturb other people. A phone ringing loudly in the middle of a solemn funeral is unwelcome, and it is worse still if the ringtone itself is unsuitable.
What you wear is one of the things that matter most when you attend a funeral. It helps to know the basic etiquette so that you do not break a taboo by accident. We hope these notes on dress, on following the wishes of the deceased, and on what to avoid at the ceremony have been useful.
See condolence flower baskets from Flosa:
See the funeral wreath collection
Order at: Flosa.vn
See also: flowers for a funeral
Flosa is an online florist that helps customers choose and send flowers to friends, family and business partners. Flosa provides fresh flowers for many occasions: grand-opening flowers, birthday flowers, wedding reception flowers, sympathy flowers, flowers for International Women’s Day on 8 March and more. Flosa’s florists check the quality of every stem and make sure they understand what the customer wants before they design and arrange. Each bouquet tells a story, and the story is yours.
For advice, call Flosa on +84 90 252 6176.
