In Vietnam the arrival of a baby is a major family event, and visiting the new mother and her child is a long-standing way of showing you care and sharing the family’s joy. Many visitors are unsure what to bring so that the gift is both meaningful and useful. This guide from Flosa suggests gifts for mother and baby, and explains the etiquette that makes a visit welcome.
Why people visit and bring gifts for a new mother
Calling on a new mother with a gift is more than a formality. In Vietnamese families it carries several meanings:
Showing care and affection: it is how friends and relatives express their concern, share the happiness and send their love to a family that has just grown by one.
Wishing health and good fortune: the gifts and the kind words are understood as wishes that mother and baby stay healthy, safe and lucky.
Keeping a happy memory: the visit and the gifts become part of how both the giver and the family remember this special time.
Supporting the mother: the weeks after birth are a delicate period. The mother needs time to recover from pregnancy and labour, and a newborn’s immune system is still immature, so the baby catches infections easily. A well-timed, considerate visit helps the mother feel comforted, supported and encouraged.
A money bouquet, folded from real banknotes, is a practical and meaningful gift for a new mother
Etiquette when visiting a new mother and a newborn
For the visit to be a pleasure rather than a strain for mother and baby, keep the following in mind:
Do not smoke: do not smoke before or during the visit. Tobacco smoke is harmful to both mother and baby, and a newborn’s airways are especially delicate. Even the smell of smoke left on clothes can irritate and upset a baby.
Avoid bringing small children: young children are lively and cannot yet control their behaviour. Their noise and running about can startle a newborn and disturb its sleep. They may also carry germs in from outside, which raises the risk of passing an infection to the baby.
Keep it short: do not linger. Thirty minutes to an hour is about right. The mother needs a great deal of time to rest, recover, feed the baby, wash and express milk.
Do not kiss the baby: however much you adore the child, do not kiss a newborn. An affectionate kiss can pass germs from an adult to a baby whose resistance is still very weak.
Do not pass judgement on the baby: avoid unkind remarks and do not compare the baby’s looks with other children’s. Offer sincere compliments instead, ask after mother and baby, and encourage the mother so that she feels at ease and confident. When you praise the baby, it is customary to add the phrase trộm vía (roughly “touch wood”): by tradition a compliment said outright is thought to tempt bad luck, and the phrase shows you mean well and wish the child good health.
Arrive clean: personal hygiene matters a great deal. Wash your hands thoroughly with soap or use hand sanitiser before you touch the baby or any of the baby’s things.
Hold back advice unless asked: every mother has her own way of caring for her child, suited to her circumstances and experience. Unless she asks for your opinion, avoid giving child-rearing advice, which can put pressure on her or make her feel judged and unsure of herself.
Do not wake the baby: sleep is very important for a newborn’s development, and newborns sleep for most of the day. Do not talk loudly or make noise that would disturb it.
A considered gift from Flosa: fresh flowers and a fruit basket
Whether you are visiting the mother in hospital or at home, Flosa suggests two gifts that are both thoughtful and well received:
A bouquet of fresh flowers: fresh flowers are not among the traditional gifts for a new mother in Vietnam, but a fresh bouquet from Flosa is a graceful way to send good wishes. Flowers bring freshness to the room where the mother is resting and make it livelier and more relaxing. They show the giver’s care and add a small pleasure to the baby’s first days.
A bouquet for the new mother
A fruit basket: fruit is a welcome addition to a mother’s diet while she recovers after the birth. Bananas, papaya, avocado, figs, sapodilla, star apple, kiwi, apples, grapes and cherries are popular choices. Fruit is easy to eat and to digest, and provides vitamins and minerals.
A congratulations fruit basket
Useful and meaningful gifts for the new mother
Besides flowers and fruit, there are many other practical gifts to consider, whether for your own wife or for a friend or relative.
Nourishing foods and foods believed to help with milk
Edible bird’s nest: in Vietnam bird’s nest is regarded as a premium tonic and is especially prized as a gift for women recovering after childbirth. It is rich in protein, and it is traditionally believed to help the body recover and to support a good supply of milk. It is also easy to eat and to digest.
Multivitamins and supplements: these are intended to top up nutrients a mother needs after the birth, such as folic acid, omega-3, iodine, iron, vitamin D, calcium and zinc. As with any supplement, it is for the mother and her doctor to decide what she takes.
Nuts, seeds and cereals: mung beans, black beans, peanuts, lotus seeds, fennel seeds, walnuts, almonds, sesame and mixed-cereal drinks are widely given to nursing mothers in Vietnam, in the belief that they improve both the quantity and the quality of breast milk and are good for digestion.
Trà vằng in tea bags: trà vằng, also called chè vằng, is a traditional herbal tea for new mothers. It is popularly said to encourage milk flow, help prevent blocked milk ducts, ease aching joints, and improve appetite and sleep.
Chè vằng, a herbal tea traditionally given to nursing mothers
Equipment that helps with baby care
A breast pump: a very useful gift. Pumping can relieve the fullness and blocked ducts that new mothers often experience, gives the mother more time to rest and makes looking after the baby easier. Choose an electric or a manual pump according to her needs and your budget.
A bottle warmer: it warms the baby’s milk and food, and keeps them at a suitable temperature, simply and quickly.
A bottle steriliser: it cleans bottles and other baby items more thoroughly than boiling water or ordinary washing-up liquid, which helps protect the baby’s delicate digestion. It can also be used for teats and toys.
A breast pump is a thoughtful gift for a new mother
Personal items for the mother
Clothes for after the birth: a Vietnamese mother usually spends a long period resting at home after the birth, a custom known as ở cữ (confinement), and her body may have changed a good deal. Comfortable house clothes in an absorbent fabric such as cotton or silk, nicely designed and easy to nurse in, make that time more pleasant and suit her figure after the birth. Comfortable underwear is another option, if you know her well.
Breast pads: many nursing mothers leak milk. Breast pads are a small but very useful item that keeps her comfortable and spares her the worry of milk showing through her clothes.
A nursing bra: a bra designed for breastfeeding, with cups that open by a clip or a zip, so that the mother can feed the baby easily and discreetly in public or when visitors are present. It is a gift that shows tact and understanding.
Skincare: after the birth many mothers find their skin has changed, with dark patches, freckles, stretch marks or nipples cracked from feeding. Skincare such as stretch-mark cream, blemish cream or a herbal salt compress is a practical gift. Choose products with natural or organic ingredients, free from harsh chemicals and labelled as safe for pregnant and breastfeeding women.
Skincare is a gift that helps a new mother look after her skin again
Sweet and practical gifts for the baby
Alongside gifts for the mother, something small for the baby is always a lovely choice.
Everyday essentials
Baby bottles: a basic item, particularly for babies who need milk in addition to breast milk or whose mothers cannot always feed them directly. Bottles come in many designs and sizes; pick one suited to the baby’s age, from a reputable brand.
Infant formula: in Vietnam formula is a common gift, for families where the mother has little milk or stops producing it early. Feeding is a personal matter, so it is wise to ask the family first which formula, if any, they use.
Nappies: cloth nappies, tape nappies or pull-ups are always needed. Cloth nappies save money and are kinder to the environment; disposables are more convenient. Look for soft, absorbent, breathable materials, or choose a large, established brand such as Moony or Bobby.
Baby clothes, blankets and pillows: among the most practical gifts, and the ones mothers most like to receive. Choose soft, breathable fabric that does not irritate the skin or pill. Keep the design simple and easy to put on, in cheerful colours with a sweet pattern.
Vitamins for the baby: in some cases a doctor may recommend that a baby be given certain vitamins or minerals in addition to breast milk; vitamin D3, calcium, zinc and lysine are the ones most often mentioned in Vietnam. Give these only if you know the family’s doctor has advised them.
A baby bottle as a gift for a newborn
For getting about and for bath time
A pushchair: it lets the baby sit, lean back or lie comfortably when out of the house. Modern pushchairs have a hood against sun and rain and fold away easily, which helps when the mother takes the baby for a walk, on an outing or to the doctor. Choose a well-known brand for sturdy materials, and a model with a lie-flat or reclining position suitable for a newborn.
A baby carrier with a hip seat: compared with a traditional cloth sling, a hip-seat carrier is designed to put less strain on the mother’s back and hips when she carries the baby for long periods, while keeping the baby comfortable.
A baby bath: buy a tub made specifically for babies, in good-quality BPA-free plastic that is gentle on sensitive skin. Tubs that fold flat, have a tray for bath products or have a non-slip base make the gift more useful still.
Traditional and symbolic gifts
A red envelope: giving money in a red envelope, known as lì xì (lucky money), is the traditional way to wish a newborn luck and prosperity. The gift is simple in material terms but rich in meaning: it is the older generation’s blessing for the next.
A silver anklet or bracelet: according to Vietnamese folk belief, silver wards off evil spirits and “cold air” and protects a baby from minor ailments such as colds and stomach aches. It is also a pretty piece of jewellery and a keepsake the family will treasure.
A silver bracelet is a meaningful gift for a baby
Choosing a gift for a new mother is less about its material value than about the good wishes, care and affection it carries to mother and baby. We hope these suggestions from Flosa help you find a gift that suits the family and makes your visit one they remember warmly.
